straight to the point – from different points of view

Political dictionary 2015 by Kevin Baldeosingh

Political dictionary 2015 by Kevin Baldeosingh

allegation • n. a statement which is probably true if made about a politician, a priest, or a panty.

Attorney General • n. an official who advises the Government how to break the law legally.
billboard • n. a cheap form of advertising, when compared to the millions of taxpayers’ dollars you are spending/wasting/tiefing.
conscience • n. a little voice that tells you who to bribe.
corruption • n. business as usual.
dead • adj. a state describing three political parties that don’t know they’re in it.
empty • adj. the state of the Treasury right after an election year.
full • adj.  the state of politicians’ bank accounts right after an election year.
growth pole • n. the key variable that determines the policy decisions of male politicians.
goat • n. an innocent bystander.
God • n. a term used by politicians to prove how principled they are, especially when doing something unprincipled.
hypocrisy • n. secret of successful politicians.
incite • vb. to rouse Trinis to take a wine.
jam • vb. the main method used by politicians to win elections. (See “wine”.)
kickback • n. key variable that determines the policy decisions of politicians.
lawyer • n. member of a profession trained to argue without regard for facts, hence the reason so many politicians are lawyers.
media • n. an organisation whose main purpose is to undermine the Government, usually with facts.
millions • n.  the amount usually paid for work worth thousands (eg, box drains and fire tenders) or no work at all (eg, LifeSport).
minister • n. & vb. a person who does the best he can to help himself; the act of helping oneself.
no • exclam. the standard response from all public officials when asked if they tief, cheat, or lie.
nonsense • n. public officials’ standard response.
needs • n. for ordinary people—food, clothing, shelter; for politicians—an SUV and a big car, a flat and a split-level house and an apartment, and several overseas bank accounts.
oil • n. a mineral which decides whether politicians stay in office or not.
obnoxious • adj. a political technique to win friends and influence people.
old • adj. a reliable party supporter, either because of habit, senility or death.
pastor • n. a man who can get God’s political support, for the right price.
project • n. the main avenue through which politicians are paid. (See “kickback”.)
pundit • n. a man who can get God’s political support, for no price at all.
quick • adj. the speed with which anyone who defies a Prime Minister is kicked out of Cabinet.
race • n. the basis them other people does vote on.
run • vb. the basic action of all politics —run for election, run something, run off at the mouth.
sex • n. a perk of office, unless you’re a woman.
speaker • n. someone who is talking or, if a politician, lying.
truth • n. a good reason to fire a Government Minister.
umbrella • n. an overseas bank account politicians have for the rainy day they cause.
vampire • n. a creature which lives off human beings, usually elected.
video • n. an electronic recording which provides irrefutable proof of identity, except in Room 201.
wine • n. & vb. a drink imbibed before performing the same action on democracy, integrity, and bam bams. (See “jam”.)
worse • adj. the present government, as well as the last one, as well as the next one.
x • n. the rating on several politicians’ personal lives.
yes • exclam. a proven method to always remain in the Prime Minister’s good books.
zoo • n. a place which houses undomesticated animals, also called Cabinet.

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