straight to the point – from different points of view

Criminal statements by Kevin Baldeosingh

Criminal statements by Kevin Baldeosingh

National Security Minister Gary Griffith is miffed that the newspapers aren’t giving page one coverage to the drop in homicides in the same way they highlight daily murders.

In order to redress this unbalanced reportage, therefore, I am today using my column space to note that, between 2013 and 2014, there was a 0.982 per cent reduction in homicides. That’s right, folks: although 407 persons were murdered in 2013, only 403 were killed last year. You can see why Minister Griffith is upset that the media aren’t reporting such triumphs on the front page.
He’s also vexed by statements that serious crimes aren’t actually down, that people just aren’t reporting them. “Facts don’t lie,” said Griffith, perhaps because he is unfamiliar with tautologies, semantics, and haemorrhoid cream. He went on to argue that “persons are less inclined to report serious crimes if there is an escalation in crime and would be more inclined to report serious crimes as the crime rate declines.” But is this a fact, or a lie, or a lie about a fact? After all, it’s a fact that a victims survey is the usual methodology for measuring the gap between actual crimes and reported crime. So why the fact wasn’t this fact cited by the fact-faced Minister?
Instead, he said: “It is a fact that there were over 1,050 murders in 2008 and 2009, with the homicide rate reaching an all-time high of 548 in that period, compared to 2013 and 2014 where there were over 250 less murders.” Of course, it’s also a fact that, in 2010, murders dropped to 473, then declined further in 2011 to 343, but over the next three years climbed back to nearly 1200 persons murdered.
Luckily, though, Minister Griffith now has a golden opportunity to stop all murders. All he has to do is hire Roman Catholic Archbishop Joseph Harris as a crime consultant for less than $55 million, since last Sunday the high priest provided the explanation for this country’s higher homicide rate. “We do not respect as sacred space, people who surround us,” he said. “That is why all the murders and the abuse and all the things which are happening are happening at the moment, our lack of respect for sacred space.”
Businessman Alfred Galy, who bought the Greyfriars church to demolish it, should therefore be charged as an accessory to murder. The RC Church, however, is doing its part to stop murders by spending $70 million on the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception since, according to Archbishop Harris’s theology of criminology, renovations are one of the most effective crime-fighting measures you can take. Harris also explained how ordinary citizens could help reduce crime: by parents having four children instead of two, and making sure the extra male ones become Roman Catholic priests.
“There is a general secularisation taking place in which respect for religious values no longer hold,” he added. “Respect for the sanctity of life, which is a religious value, is no longer there.”
So now we know that criminals in T&T are murdering people because they support the separation of Church and State, which makes them more evil than the terrorists who murdered 12 people at the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, since the terrorists religiously oppose any such notion. Minister Griffith also used this attack to declare that he “now more than ever stands by the decision to acquire the Armoured Personnel Carriers” (APC), apparently having received intelligence that the massacre would have been prevented if an APC had been parked in the Charlie Hebdo office when the gunmen invaded it.
All we need to do is add hanging and licks to these measures, and T&T should be murder-free by next week.

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